We all know that Hemet Nesingwary is a hunter par excellĂ©nce. He’ll kill any game alive, in the jungles of Stranglethorn Vale, the meadows of Nagrand, or the rainforest of Sholazar – and when he’s done killing a beast, he’ll skin and cook it too, for good measure. Surprisingly, Hemet’s actually a pretty good cook, given that he spends most of his time hunting. Then again, his cooking tool of choice is the spit, and that doesn’t require as much skill as it does patience and tolerance for a singed beard.

Mrs. Una Nesingwary, as you can probably imagine, eats a lot of meat, especially now that her son, Hemet Jr., has taken over operations in Stranglethorn. It’s always a bit of a relief when she sees Hemet off at the Deeprun Tram, helps Hemet Jr. get his bags onto the gryphon at the Great Forge, and settles back in at their little apartment in the Hall of Explorers for a nice night of not having to explain to anyone why she doesn’t want thirds of Elekk Steak, Medium Rare, with a side of Giraffe Bacon.

Her friends call the dish she cooks that first night after the Hemets have left on their months-long excursions “Hemet’s Departure” (she was cooking it long before Hemet Jr. was born); she just calls it “my secret recipe”, largely because neither Hemet has any idea that the meat they’re sending back is going directly into the freezer at Amberstill Ranch.


Hemet’s Departure

Ingredients:

  • 4 packages of ramen noodles, one packet for each serving you want to make plus one. This recipe assumes three servings
  • 3 spice packets from the ramen; one packet of spices per serving. You’ll end up with one packet left over
  • 2 large broccoli crowns, chopped into individual florets. A floret larger than 1″ should be chopped in half
  • 2 pounds of tofu, chopped into 1/4″ cubes
  • 2 tbsp olive oil
  • 4 tbsp soy sauce
  • 2 tbsp peanut butter
  • 1 clove garlic
  • 6 1/4c water
  • 1 tbsp brown sugar

Directions:

  1. Combine the peanut butter, 2 tbsp of soy sauce, the garlic, 1/4c of the water, and the brown sugar in a microwave-safe bowl. Mix as well as you can (a plunging beater works well) and microwave for 1 minute on high. Once this is in the microwave you can forget about it until later in the recipe.
  2. Using a crab hammer, a rolling pin, or something else that makes a satisfying thunk when you whack it against a counter (do not use a knife handle!), crumble the ramen while it is still in the package. Don’t reduce it to dust, just make sure that it’s not long strands. You want little noodle bits for this.
  3. Boil the water.
  4. You probably thought I was joking.
  5. While the water is coming to a boil, heat a wok or large skillet over medium heat. Add the olive oil and half the remaining soy sauce. When the oil begins to sizzle, add the drained, chopped tofu. Stir constantly.
  6. When the water boils, add the ramen but not the spice packets and cook for three minutes.
  7. When there’s about a minute left on the ramen, add the broccoli to the skillet. Continue stirring.
  8. Drain the ramen in a collander with fine holes. Add the ramen, the ramen spice, and the remaining soy sauce to the skillet and combine with the tofu and broccoli.
  9. Remove the peanut sauce from the microwave and stir well, for about 30 seconds. Then add it to the skillet and mix it in.
  10. Cook the contents of the skillet for another 2-3 minutes, stirring constantly.
  11. Remove from heat and serve immediately.